


the moon to my sea

by dawnofmidnight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, some other characters are briefly mentioned but eh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 00:19:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4283490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnofmidnight/pseuds/dawnofmidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Why would anyone want to touch someone as hideous and disgusting as me?</i> Tsukishima didn't voice his thought. Just because he felt shitty about himself didn't mean that he had to go and ruin Tetsurou's day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the moon to my sea

**Author's Note:**

> day 5 of kurotsuki week: insecurities

"Do we _have_ to go to the beach?" Tsukishima groused, trying to resist Kuroo's embrace.

"Pleaseeee, Tsukki, it'll be so much fun! Everyone's gonna be there!" Kuroo begged as he squeezed Tsukishima tighter.

"Ahg, let go of me. I can't breathe.-fine I'll go, just _stop_."

Kuroo released him with a grin and ran off to pack, causing Tsukishima to groan. He could already tell that this was a bad idea.  
\- - -  
Kuroo was out of the car before Tsukishima even parked, sprinting out to get their stuff from the back. He yanked open Tsukishima's door and waved a small bottle that he retrieved from the bag in his face.

"Rub sunscreen on me!" he demanded with a leer. Tsukishima sighed but couldn't bring himself to say no as Kuroo stripped off his shirt and threw it into the car. Tsukishima let himself be dragged to the sand, although he refused to help him set up a towel underneath an umbrella because he didn't even want to be there in the first place. This whole thing was just another way that Tsukishima would bear witness to how great Tetsurou was, and all of their friends would probably inspect Tsukishima to figure out why Kuroo was dating someone like him.

Kuroo interrupted his brooding with an exclamation of, "My body is ready, Tsukki!" Kuroo was spread out back down on the beach towel, propped up on his elbows. He gestured to his chest expectantly and nodded to the sunscreen.

Tsukishima frowned. "You can reach your chest, Tetsurou. And you're flexible enough to reach most, if not all, of your back. I don't see why you need me to-"

"I want you to touch me, Kei." Well, that was blunt. Tsukishima could feel his cheeks becoming crimson at the way Kuroo was ogling him.

"This is humiliating," he muttered as he squirted sunscreen into his palm and knelt next to Kuroo. There wasn't many people around them, and they were the first of their group of friends that had arrived, but _still,_ anyone could look over at them. He took a deep breath before hesitantly running his hands over Kuroo's body in a way that was entirely inappropriate for the time and place. God, he was gorgeous. The sun-kissed skin stretched out over taut muscle, perfect to show off at the beach. No wonder Tetsurou had no problem with this kind of stuff; Tsukishima couldn't help but envy him.

_I don't deserve someone like him,_ he thought for what wasn't remotely close to the first time since they started dating. Kuroo was outgoing, fun, intelligent, charismatic-the list went on and on. Tsukishima was frankly an asshole with no other exceptional personality traits. He was tall, but he didn't have the muscle to make it look good like Tetsurou did. Tsukishima was just a mess of gangly limbs with a snarky attitude towards practically everything.

Kuroo shook him out of his thoughts again with a satisfied exhale, stretching out his body on the towel as Tsukishima finished up spreading sunscreen across the defined crevices of his chest and moved on to his calves. Once he was done, he instructed Kuroo to roll over.

As he rubbed sunscreen onto Kuroo's back, Tsukishima subconsciously murmured, "You're beautiful."

He could hear the smile in Kuroo's voice even if he couldn't see it when Kuroo responded, "Not as beautiful as you."

Tsukishima wanted to protest, but he couldn't let Kuroo know that he was having one of his off days when he was so eager to hang out with everyone; he knew that Tetsurou would drop everything to try and comfort him. Days like this weren't very frequent, but they weren't uncommon either. Tsukishima could deal with this himself. He didn't have to depend on Kuroo for everything-oh wait, he probably did, because he was a fucking pathetic piece of shit.

"There, done. Now go. I see Bokuto's car. Akaashi and Kenma are supposed to be coming with him. Oh god, I really hope Bokuto's not driving."

Kuroo's brow furrowed. "Bokuto's a great driver! He drives almost as well as me!"

"Well? Tell that to your dad and his Mercedes that you totaled," Tsukishima snorted. He felt bad immediately afterwards. Why was he rude to everyone, even his boyfriend? _Probably because if you bring others down, you'll feel better about yourself,_ a voice sneered in his head.

Kuroo pouted but couldn't seem to defend himself. "Let me put sunscreen on you," he said to change the subject. Tsukishima shook his head adamantly.

"You get sunburned so easily, though, Tsukki," Kuroo insisted.

"I'll put it on myself. You go, I know how excited you are for today."

"Believe me, getting to put sunscreen all over you excites me a _lot_ more than splashing water at Bokuto."

_Why would anyone want to touch someone as hideous and disgusting as me?_ Tsukishima didn't voice his thought. Just because he felt shitty about himself didn't mean that he had to go and ruin Tetsurou's day.

He rolled his eyes in response to Kuroo. "You perv." A figure sprinting towards them from the direction of Bokuto's car caught Tsukishima's eyes, which widened in alarm.

Kuroo cursed as he scrambled up from the towel, wrinkling it in the process. It was pointless anyways, seeing as how the person-Bokuto, of course, Tsukishima noted-tackled Kuroo back into the sand. Tsukishima ignored them in favor of leaving to go help Akaashi and Kenma unpack their stuff; knowing Bokuto, he probably made them bring enough stuff to last them all a month on that strip of sand. It worked out nicely, as now Kuroo couldn't put sunscreen on him. Kuroo didn't need to know that Tsukishima had no intention of taking off his t-shirt out here in public, and that sunscreen thus wasn't necessary. _So I'm helping them just to get away from my boyfriend, not because I actually want to,_ he groused mentally. It was amazing how terrible of a person he could be.

"Tsukishima-san," Akaashi nodded to him when he met them by the trunk of the car. Kenma was there too, already seeming bored. Tsukishima had never talked to him that much-he kept to himself, and Tsukishima respected that. Tsukishima wasn't great at making friends anyway, so he'd just make Kenma feel awkward.

The three of them made their way towards Tsukishima and Kuroo's beach towel, arms loaded with mostly useless stuff that Bokuto had indeed requested, as Akaashi confirmed when Tsukishima asked. Bokuto and Kuroo were in the sea by then, joined by several of their friends that had shown up while Tsukishima was gone. They were all currently engaged in a chicken fight, Bokuto and Yaku shouting from their perches on Kuroo and Lev, respectively, while Inuoka wobbled treacherously on Konoha.

Kenma settled down beneath an umbrella and whipped out his PSP, while Akaashi slipped off his shirt and made his way towards the water. Tsukishima stood alone, his hands linking together as he found himself at a loss of what to do. He couldn't join everyone in the sea-he'd just make them all uncomfortable. He supposed that he could go find a spot to sit down on, like Kenma, but Tsukishima didn't actually bring anything to do.

"Hey, Tsukishima," a small voice piped up. Tsukishima turned to find the source, but the only person nearby was Kenma, curled up diminutively in the shade. Kenma averted his eyes when Tsukishima looked at him before mumbling, "You can sit here, if you want to."

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow but took the offer, sitting down hesitantly next to Kenma and making sure there were several inches of space in between them. Kenma went back to playing his game, leaving Tsukishima to stare down at the sand blankly.

The music from the game caught his attention after a while. Tsukishima knew it was familiar...

"Is that Monster Hunter?" he asked tentatively. Kenma jerked up in shock, pausing his game to answer with a timid, "Yeah."

"Oh. Cool. Some guys at my school were playing it last week until they dropped the PSP and broke it." Tsukishima couldn't help himself from saying it, although Kenma must have been annoyed with him for interrupting him.

Instead of snapping at him or ignoring him like Tsukishima expected, Kenma put down his PSP and gawked at Tsukishima.

"How badly was it broken? Were they able to get it fixed? Does it still work?" Tsukishima smiled without meaning to at Kenma's eager questions.

"It was smashed and wouldn't turn back on, so they had to get a new one." Kenma looked like he was about to cry at the mere mention of a shattered PSP.

They continued talking as the others kept up with their antics in the water. Tsukishima was surprised by how comfortable he felt around Kenma. He was a good listener and didn't feel the need to fill every lull in the conversation. Plus, they both had their own embarrassing stories about Kuroo to share, which was _fantastic_. Tsukishima regretted that he and Kenma had never really spoken before today.

"Why aren't you going out there? You like spending time with Kuroo, right?" Kenma asked at one point as he tilted his head towards the sea.

Tsukishima sighed, following Kenma's gaze. "I just... I don't like myself. They're all enjoying themselves, and since I'm, well, _me_ , I'd ruin it." It felt good to finally get it off his chest, finally express what had been nagging him all day. Kenma stayed silent for a moment before replying,

"I don't think you'd ruin it, Tsukishima. It's okay if you don't want to go, but you're not nearly as bad of a person as you think you are." Kenma took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm really pale and bony, and I hate it when people see that. Places like this aren't my favorite, especially when buff guys like them are around."

Tsukishima was in awe of how accurately Kenma's thoughts about himself echoed Tsukishima's own.

"It sucks, yeah," he muttered in response as he watched Kuroo get dunked into the water by Yaku, causing his hair to lie flat when he resurfaced. Kuroo caught sight of him and Kenma and waved enthusiastically. He beckoned them towards him, but Tsukishima shook his head while Kenma pointedly turned away.

"He loves you a lot, you know," Kenma remarked. Blood rose to Tsukishima's face before he responded,

"He deserves so much better than me...but I love him too."

The corners of Kenma's mouth lifted. "I think you're the best person for Kuroo."  
\- - -  
Tsukishima couldn't hide from Kuroo for long, even if he was feeling better towards the end of the day. They were back from the beach and on Kuroo's bed by nightfall, Kuroo sucking marks down his neck. Tsukishima lightly pushed Kuroo's hands away when he moved to take off Tsukishima's shirt.

"Not today," he whispered, staying close enough to grasp Kuroo's hands in his own. Kuroo sat up with a horrified expression and moved to hug Tsukishima tightly.

"Oh my god, Kei. You should've told me-no wonder you didn't want to go the beach. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. Besides, I had fun there."

"Do you want to talk about it? It's alright if you don't want to, but... I'm always here for you."

Tsukishima nuzzled his face into Kuroo's shoulder. "I know. That's the problem. You're so good to me, Tetsurou, and-and you just deserve so much more than me. You're perfect, and I'm the farthest thing from that."

"Kei. Look at me," Kuroo directed, pulling back so that their foreheads were touching.

"You have no reason to be believing that stuff. You're beautiful, hard-working, smart, and so much more. And I'm not perfect at all-I have to study so much more than you to make good grades, and you're just effortlessly brilliant. I get people mad without meaning to, and I don't even realize it until someone else points out to me that I should go apologize. I can't make my boyfriend love himself even though I love him so much. I could go on and on about what's wrong with me, Kei. It's alright to recognize your shortcomings, but...don't let them weigh you down." He concluded with a kiss to Tsukishima's nose. Kuroo lay down next to Tsukishima so that Tsukishima could curl up next to him.

"Thank you," Tsukishima murmured, burrowing underneath the covers. Kuroo hummed in response and pressed his lips to Tsukishima's temple.

He was far from healed, and he didn't hold on to the hope of someday being completely content with himself. For now though, these little steps that Tetsurou guided him through would be more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm all about tsukki and kenma's friendship tbh :D  
> i'm a bit iffy about the ending meh  
> i wanted to include a scene where kuroo told tsukishima that he was the moon to his sea as a way to show how important tsukki is to him but that didn't happen whoops  
> ps my brother nearly totaled my dad's benz a few years ago :3c


End file.
